Hm, this blog is a little bit dusty... I haven't updated in a while because a lot has been happening.
Since the beginning of September, I have been eating--and living--healthier. It's been amazing. I have lost 17 pounds so far, and I feel wonderful! I ask the Mother and Father to give me the strength to eat what I should, and less of what I shouldn't, and they do.
School got very intense, very fast. I may only be taking three courses, but the amount of work is equal to four and a half courses. I'm managing to keep afloat.
Work continues, as monotonous as ever. I had an interview for a hostess position, but I don't know what the result is.
I'm still attending church with my mom. She started reading a couple prayers I had written in a notebook when she was helping me find a textbook I had misplaced, and I was terrified! Then she asked me if I was working on another story, and did I really have time to do that? And why was I writing about stuff like that? I just sort of shrugged off her questions, but it hurt. Stuff like that is what I believe, it's part of who I am. Her intolerance makes me feel ashamed of who I am, and defiant at the same time.
I just don't even know what to feel.
Plans to move out have been put on hold until we are better situated, financially.
I'm still reading as much as I can about my faith, still praying, fitting in magickal work when I can. I just can't wait to get a little freedom.
(but I'm really excited about losing so much weight, and being so much healthier!)
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Holidays
Easter went rather uneventfully, went to the service with my family. Listened to the pastor talk about salvation. Went home, had a wonderful meal, and then dyed eggs.
Beltane snuck up on me, I completely forgot about it until the day before! I walked to the local witchy shop to stock up on mini spell candles (because they're small, easy to store, and inexpensive). The owner and I started talking, and out of nowhere she said "I don't know why I am telling this to you, I just feel like I
should . . . We are having a Beltane ritual here tomorrow morning, and I would love for you to come!" I told her I would come if I could, bought my candles and started the walk home.
I wasn't sure if I would go. On the one hand, I had never been to a ritual with other people, and this would be a new and exciting opportunity. On the other hand, they would be doing it out on the front lawn and if someone I knew drove by and saw, I might be outed whether I wanted to be or not.
I decided to go. It was a good decision, there were about 8 or so other women there, we all built up the circle, we raised energy and put out thanks and requests, Cakes and Ale, and we danced around our maypole tree.
When I got home I held a very small ritual for myself because as good an experience as it was to be with other wiccans, I truly prefer to worship in private. I'm glad I went, though.
Last but not least, tonight I held my first esbat. Very simple, very small. Mostly just feeling and drawing in the goddess-energies.
School and work have been taking up a lot of time, so I've been trying to make sure to take a walk at least once a week.
Beltane snuck up on me, I completely forgot about it until the day before! I walked to the local witchy shop to stock up on mini spell candles (because they're small, easy to store, and inexpensive). The owner and I started talking, and out of nowhere she said "I don't know why I am telling this to you, I just feel like I
should . . . We are having a Beltane ritual here tomorrow morning, and I would love for you to come!" I told her I would come if I could, bought my candles and started the walk home.
I wasn't sure if I would go. On the one hand, I had never been to a ritual with other people, and this would be a new and exciting opportunity. On the other hand, they would be doing it out on the front lawn and if someone I knew drove by and saw, I might be outed whether I wanted to be or not.
I decided to go. It was a good decision, there were about 8 or so other women there, we all built up the circle, we raised energy and put out thanks and requests, Cakes and Ale, and we danced around our maypole tree.
When I got home I held a very small ritual for myself because as good an experience as it was to be with other wiccans, I truly prefer to worship in private. I'm glad I went, though.
Last but not least, tonight I held my first esbat. Very simple, very small. Mostly just feeling and drawing in the goddess-energies.
School and work have been taking up a lot of time, so I've been trying to make sure to take a walk at least once a week.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Good Friday
It's Good Friday, Easter is right around the corner. I guess I'm going to the church service tonight. I'll edit this post later to write about how it went.
The performance was nice, about an hour long, and blessedly quiet. The Sunday services are very very loud, headache inducing affairs. This was dark, quiet, peaceful, and relaxed. It was done as the famous "The Last Supper" painting, with people speaking as the 12 disciples. They told a bit about each disciple (nothing I haven't learned already) and then there was communion. I left before the communion.
I would say the best part was the walk to and from church. Even though it was quite chilly .
The performance was nice, about an hour long, and blessedly quiet. The Sunday services are very very loud, headache inducing affairs. This was dark, quiet, peaceful, and relaxed. It was done as the famous "The Last Supper" painting, with people speaking as the 12 disciples. They told a bit about each disciple (nothing I haven't learned already) and then there was communion. I left before the communion.
I would say the best part was the walk to and from church. Even though it was quite chilly .
Monday, April 18, 2011
Palm Sunday
I went to the Palm Sunday service with my family yesterday . At one point, I looked over at my mom to see her so filled with emotion that she had tears in her eyes. I was moved, myself, to see how her spirit was being lifted. She will not feel that way about me. She will not know what I feel during an esbat, or even a walk in the rain. The world is my church, the wind, the rain, the birds are my music, and all of nature is a message.
My mom takes notes during the message at church to help her better understand her chosen faith. I respect that immensely . If she found one of the books I am reading to help me understand more about my chosen faith, she would be filled with disappointment.
I'm slowly starting my journey out of these cloying walls of secrecy . I've told three close friends (one of whom is also Pagan- he was the first I told), my boyfriend, and a curious coworker. It's scary, but it feels good knowing that there are people who care about me, and who accept me.
My mom takes notes during the message at church to help her better understand her chosen faith. I respect that immensely . If she found one of the books I am reading to help me understand more about my chosen faith, she would be filled with disappointment.
I'm slowly starting my journey out of these cloying walls of secrecy . I've told three close friends (one of whom is also Pagan- he was the first I told), my boyfriend, and a curious coworker. It's scary, but it feels good knowing that there are people who care about me, and who accept me.
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