Hm, this blog is a little bit dusty... I haven't updated in a while because a lot has been happening.
Since the beginning of September, I have been eating--and living--healthier. It's been amazing. I have lost 17 pounds so far, and I feel wonderful! I ask the Mother and Father to give me the strength to eat what I should, and less of what I shouldn't, and they do.
School got very intense, very fast. I may only be taking three courses, but the amount of work is equal to four and a half courses. I'm managing to keep afloat.
Work continues, as monotonous as ever. I had an interview for a hostess position, but I don't know what the result is.
I'm still attending church with my mom. She started reading a couple prayers I had written in a notebook when she was helping me find a textbook I had misplaced, and I was terrified! Then she asked me if I was working on another story, and did I really have time to do that? And why was I writing about stuff like that? I just sort of shrugged off her questions, but it hurt. Stuff like that is what I believe, it's part of who I am. Her intolerance makes me feel ashamed of who I am, and defiant at the same time.
I just don't even know what to feel.
Plans to move out have been put on hold until we are better situated, financially.
I'm still reading as much as I can about my faith, still praying, fitting in magickal work when I can. I just can't wait to get a little freedom.
(but I'm really excited about losing so much weight, and being so much healthier!)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
New Starts
The new semester is under way, and my new healthy start is under way as well.
I'm taking two psychology classes and an observation/participation class. There's a lot of interesting material, but a lot of work. I'm trying not to leave it all for the night before it's due, but time management has never been my strongest suit.
I'm also working on on being healthy. I have a habit of snacking when I'm bored, not moderating things that aren't healthy, and in general eating too much. I'm not dieting, just making healthier choices.
Making healthy choices is very important to me. If I'm going to be completely honest, I had a problem a year or so ago with (thankfully small and short) instances of self-harming. It's something that I have moved on from, but I worry that if I look to closely at "dieting", anorexia could become a problem. I will not do that to myself. I don't see myself as overly fat, but I'm not as healthy as I should be.
I've been Healthier (I guess that's what I'll say instead of "on a diet"?) for two weeks. I feel good. Good about what I am eating, what I'm not, and life. Eating less chips and snacks, much more fruits and veggies, and trying to keep up my protein (without burgers and the like). None of this is very magickal, but it is something that I don't talk about much, and needed to be said.
I'm taking two psychology classes and an observation/participation class. There's a lot of interesting material, but a lot of work. I'm trying not to leave it all for the night before it's due, but time management has never been my strongest suit.
I'm also working on on being healthy. I have a habit of snacking when I'm bored, not moderating things that aren't healthy, and in general eating too much. I'm not dieting, just making healthier choices.
Making healthy choices is very important to me. If I'm going to be completely honest, I had a problem a year or so ago with (thankfully small and short) instances of self-harming. It's something that I have moved on from, but I worry that if I look to closely at "dieting", anorexia could become a problem. I will not do that to myself. I don't see myself as overly fat, but I'm not as healthy as I should be.
I've been Healthier (I guess that's what I'll say instead of "on a diet"?) for two weeks. I feel good. Good about what I am eating, what I'm not, and life. Eating less chips and snacks, much more fruits and veggies, and trying to keep up my protein (without burgers and the like). None of this is very magickal, but it is something that I don't talk about much, and needed to be said.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Return to Privacy
I made it through my week visiting my grandparents. I did not have to give thanks for any of the meals. (Not out loud, anyway. While they thanked the Christian God I sent out my own thanks in my own directions.) True to form, everything that happens there is almost always verbally related to God or faith.
My little cousins were talking about how one of their older friends just got a boyfriend, and that he was probably ok because they met as counselors at Bible Camp. Or that it was scandalous that another of their friends was going out with someone who was Catholic (because Catholics don't mix super well with Protestants). Or how someone else was trying to witness to the guy she liked because it's not right to be with someone who isn't a Christian.
My boyfriend isn't really anything, as far as religion goes. I'm expected to try to convert him if I want things to be serious. Things are becoming serious whether I let on to my family or not, but I feel that as long as he respects my beliefs, there shouldn't be a problem. I don't want to be talked about because I'm not dating a Christian, to know that people--my family--whisper about me because I might be living in sin. That's what it's called when unmarried couples live together; living in sin. We don't live together yet, but we're working on finding an apartment.
I'm used to being "the good girl". I almost never got into trouble when I was little, I didn't do wild or crazy things as a teen, and I'm only now discovering parts of myself that I almost didn't know existed. I don't even know what I'm trying to say with this, I just know that I desperately want to be accepted.
And that I know my family will never accept me.
I try to end on a positive though, so... ...I get to sleep in my own bed tonight, with my cat (who, I am sure, will curl up on my face).
My little cousins were talking about how one of their older friends just got a boyfriend, and that he was probably ok because they met as counselors at Bible Camp. Or that it was scandalous that another of their friends was going out with someone who was Catholic (because Catholics don't mix super well with Protestants). Or how someone else was trying to witness to the guy she liked because it's not right to be with someone who isn't a Christian.
My boyfriend isn't really anything, as far as religion goes. I'm expected to try to convert him if I want things to be serious. Things are becoming serious whether I let on to my family or not, but I feel that as long as he respects my beliefs, there shouldn't be a problem. I don't want to be talked about because I'm not dating a Christian, to know that people--my family--whisper about me because I might be living in sin. That's what it's called when unmarried couples live together; living in sin. We don't live together yet, but we're working on finding an apartment.
I'm used to being "the good girl". I almost never got into trouble when I was little, I didn't do wild or crazy things as a teen, and I'm only now discovering parts of myself that I almost didn't know existed. I don't even know what I'm trying to say with this, I just know that I desperately want to be accepted.
And that I know my family will never accept me.
I try to end on a positive though, so... ...I get to sleep in my own bed tonight, with my cat (who, I am sure, will curl up on my face).
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The Magick of Oceans
I love the beach. It's an amazing feeling to stand in the water and feel the slither of sand under my feet and the pull of the waves. I feel so much closer to Goddess and God when near an ocean.
The sky meets the water, the water meets the land, everything is always in motion; always changing.
Sunday's beach trip was exactly the refreshment my soul was craving. Saturday's events went well, the beach was just about perfect, and Monday marked a friend's birthday. My weekend was action-packed!
Basically I was storing up positive, freeing energy- my family and I are going to my grandparents' house for their anniversary. Almost my whole extended family will be there. I love my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, but this will be the first family get-together since I found my path. I can't bring my books or tools because there's almost no such thing as privacy there and it's a super-Christian environment. I have to figure out how to give thanks for a meal without outright lying. (This would be the least opportune time to come out of the broom closet...)
Wish me luck!
Blessed Be!
The sky meets the water, the water meets the land, everything is always in motion; always changing.
Sunday's beach trip was exactly the refreshment my soul was craving. Saturday's events went well, the beach was just about perfect, and Monday marked a friend's birthday. My weekend was action-packed!
Basically I was storing up positive, freeing energy- my family and I are going to my grandparents' house for their anniversary. Almost my whole extended family will be there. I love my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, but this will be the first family get-together since I found my path. I can't bring my books or tools because there's almost no such thing as privacy there and it's a super-Christian environment. I have to figure out how to give thanks for a meal without outright lying. (This would be the least opportune time to come out of the broom closet...)
Wish me luck!
Blessed Be!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Tiny Quick Update
I had a wonderful weekend. Everything went well, and I feel very peaceful. What was I worried about?
Blessings, all!
Blessings, all!
Friday, August 5, 2011
A Decision Made
I finally came to a decision, and talked it over with the boyfriend. I can count on him to tell me when I'm being crazy or not.
So, tomorrow I will be taking a huge step in my life, almost a rite of passage. It's a relief not to be thinking and worrying about it so much, but thinking about how close Saturday is, it almost doesn't seem real.
The moon will be halfway between New and Full. To me, it feels like a symbol of my journey; like completing a stage of my life. I'm excited and nervous-hopefully it will be magical as well as magickal.
So, tomorrow I will be taking a huge step in my life, almost a rite of passage. It's a relief not to be thinking and worrying about it so much, but thinking about how close Saturday is, it almost doesn't seem real.
The moon will be halfway between New and Full. To me, it feels like a symbol of my journey; like completing a stage of my life. I'm excited and nervous-hopefully it will be magical as well as magickal.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Heavy Thinking
Missed the New Moon. I have a candle and some sage tonight instead. It's the thought that counts?
Anyway, I have a very important consideration going on in my head right now. I have a very personal choice to make, and I need to make sure I'm making it for the right reasons. I'm doing some reading, some serious thinking, and definitely praying about it.
As far as life in general, things have been rather normal. Work, getting ready for the fall semester of school, and learning new things about Wicca. I think people are pretty much students all their lives.
Anyway, I have a very important consideration going on in my head right now. I have a very personal choice to make, and I need to make sure I'm making it for the right reasons. I'm doing some reading, some serious thinking, and definitely praying about it.
As far as life in general, things have been rather normal. Work, getting ready for the fall semester of school, and learning new things about Wicca. I think people are pretty much students all their lives.
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