Return to Privacy

I made it through my week visiting my grandparents. I did not have to give thanks for any of the meals. (Not out loud, anyway. While they thanked the Christian God I sent out my own thanks in my own directions.) True to form, everything that happens there is almost always verbally related to God or faith.

My little cousins were talking about how one of their older friends just got a boyfriend, and that he was probably ok because they met as counselors at Bible Camp. Or that it was scandalous that another of their friends was going out with someone who was Catholic (because Catholics don't mix super well with Protestants). Or how someone else was trying to witness to the guy she liked because it's not right to be with someone who isn't a Christian.

My boyfriend isn't really anything, as far as religion goes. I'm expected to try to convert him if I want things to be serious. Things are becoming serious whether I let on to my family or not, but I feel that as long as he respects my beliefs, there shouldn't be a problem. I don't want to be talked about because I'm not dating a Christian, to know that people--my family--whisper about me because I might be living in sin. That's what it's called when unmarried couples live together; living in sin. We don't live together yet, but we're working on finding an apartment.

I'm used to being "the good girl". I almost never got into trouble when I was little, I didn't do wild or crazy things as a teen, and I'm only now discovering parts of myself that I almost didn't know existed. I don't even know what I'm trying to say with this, I just know that I desperately want to be accepted.

And that I know my family will never accept me.


I try to end on a positive though, so... ...I get to sleep in my own bed tonight, with my cat (who, I am sure, will curl up on my face).